


Just where you've always been

by FallofDarkness



Category: White Collar
Genre: Bisexual Neal Caffrey, Feelings Realization, I'm Bad At Summaries, Inner Dialogue, Introspection, Just a short piece, M/M, Moz is is Paris with Neal, Moz loves Neal for who he is, Neal isnt used to the idea of love without expectation, Post-Canon, and vice versa, so he has a hard time recognising it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25940791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallofDarkness/pseuds/FallofDarkness
Summary: Living in Paris, Neal contemplates his past, and looks to his future.
Relationships: Neal Caffrey/Mozzie, othe past relationships mentioned
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Just where you've always been

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously there have been a lot of Post-series fics written from the whole Neal in Paris perspective, but I haven't really seen any with a Neal/Mozzie slant so I thought I have a go at writing my own.
> 
> As always apologies for any britishisms that slip through.

Neal stands on his hotel balcony, wine glass in hand, observing the throngs of people below. Normally Neal would to be among them, preferring to be an active participant in the fray rather than a passive observer. That always been a role Mozzie has excelled at much more easily than himself.

Today however, his friend has errands to run, and Neal finds himself alone, halfway through his third glass of wine, thoughts heading back to New York, and the past he's chosen to leave behind. Neal was eighteen when he'd found himself in New York, unsure of what exactly he was doing there, until Mozzie had had unceremoniously place himself into the centre of Neal's life. The other man was odd and fascinating, and for some reason seemed to trust him despite his inherent paranoia about almost everything else, and had devoted large portions of his time to teaching Neal everything he knew. On occasion he would catch the other man looking at him with an expression he couldn't place, but he always looked away quick enough that Neal could almost think he was imagining things. Unfamiliar with the idea that someone could love him without having to work for it had made it a lot easier for Neal to miss all the signs at the time.

Then he'd met Kate.

Kate was beautiful, and Neal had fallen for her without hesitation, or at least as he's come to realise over recent months, he had fallen for the idea of her. He'd spent hours thinking about the life they could have together, the adventures, the stories the would tell their children, and her leaving before things really got off the ground had only cemented the fantasy further into his mind. Her lost had almost destroyed him at the time, and the grief had fuelled him, but looking back now, what truly hurts is the thought of what he could have lost pursuing a reality that never entirely existed.

Never the less, it had been that fantasy which got him through prison, and talked him into working as a consultant for the FBI. It hadn't taken long however for that dream to be pushed to the side in favour of another, one that one the surface had seemed more stable, but in reality was equally based more on expectation than truth.

Peter was strong, moral, caring, handsome and seemed to believe in Neal's capacity for good in a way that Neal himself had long long since given up on. Over time his feelings for Peter had developed from an almost paternal need for affirmation into something more romantic. During that time he had also fallen for his handlers brilliant wife, who in some ways reminded him of Kate, but with an internal warmth that the younger woman had never possessed. Nothing ever happened between them, and as time had gone on Neal came to realise that perhaps the Burke's love for him was based less on the person he was, and more on the person they thought he should be, the person who fitted into their own tidy view of right and wrong. The illusion that he could become a man they could desire had begun to break not long after his return from Cape Verde, but had truly shattered upon Peter's discovery of how he'd gotten the agent out of false imprisonment.

The working relationship may have been able to more past it, but the trust never did.

Meanwhile, as his subconscious, if not yet his conscious brain had begun to reconcile him with that fact, Sara ha come along, intelligent, headstrong, impressive, Sara, who had hated him completely, until she didn't. His thoughts of her were fond even now, and there is a part of him that would love to see her again, to maybe start things anew as friends. But of course part of that would be down to Mozzie. The older man had never really trusted Sara, he didn't trust people in general, but looking back Neal is surprised at how easily he missed noticing that the brunt of that distrust was focused on the people Neal most strongly sought love and approval from.

June, perceptive as always had noticed, just as she'd noticed the way Neal had been subconsciously been distancing himself from both of them in the week leading up to his 'death'. She'd cornered him the evening before, as he was on his way to the Burke's.

"Does Mozzie know?" she'd asked him.

He'd shaken his head, feeling a guilty ache at the look of mild judgement mixed with understanding that crossed her face. 

"He trusts you" 

"I know."

It had only been a lying in bed a few nights later in a hotel in Paris that it had truly registered what June had been trying to tell him. Mozzie trusted him. Had done from the beginning, had looked him up, searched him out, planted himself into Neal's life, even though every instinct in his being usually stopped him from get to close to anybody, because for some reason Mozzie had decided to trust him. When Neal had been working with the FBI, or looking for Kate, or helping his dad, Mozzie had stayed and supported him, even though he hadn't trusted any of those people, because he had trusted Neal. When Neal had taken Mozzie for granted, had put him to the side in favour of trying to impress people who would never truly be satisfied with the person he was, who would never trust him, Mozzie trusted him. 

And as those thoughts rushed through Neal's head he found himself coming to a new realisation, one he'd missed because he'd spent so much of his life, from childhood, believing that love was about the chase, about meeting other peoples needs and expectations, not only did Mozzie trust him, Mozzie loved him. Not the idea of him, not the person he could have been in a different world, but him, the flawed, sometimes arrogant, sometimes deeply insecure, Neal, who had spent his whole life look for someone who had spent half of it right there beside him. 

It took a few more days to sink in that Neal loved Mozzie too, the small paranoid man who had put aside his own comfort and security to be there for him. And Neal had left him, had betrayed that trust. But this was Mozzie, and Neal wasn't going to give up on this new opportunity while there was still a chance to fix things. 

He sent a cryptic message to June that he knew she'd understand and waited.

About a week later the pigeon had arrived. The note attached was short, coded, and dripping with pain, which Neal hated himself for being the cause of, but his had still taken solace in the fact that his friend had bothered to reply.

It was nine days before the next one came, this one with a hint of understanding and a chance of forgiveness.

It took a few months for either of them to feel it was safe for Mozzie to join him in Paris. Neal was nervous, even though the exchanged messages suggested a good place between them. He still couldn't get past the idea that he had broken the trust of the man he had slowly, and then quickly, realised was the most important person in his life.

Then Mozzie had appeared before him, same awkward disguise, same tension that lessened on seeing him, same eyes full of trust, and Neal now knew, love, and suddenly Paris felt like home. Later that evening Neal kissed Mozzie for the first time. The shock and pure joy that had lit up the others mans face is what he's picturing now as he pulls back from the railing and wonders back into the hotel to wait for his boyfriend to return so he can shower him with all the affection they've been missing out on all these years. 

Mozzie trusts him, he thinks, and that fact is the most precious thing he has.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this is any good tbh but oh well.
> 
> It's also pretty short.
> 
> Anyway, Kudos and comments are appreciated and all that.


End file.
